So, it’s 20C outside and everyone else is floating around looking effortless and Coachella like while you’ve got your black opaque denier 90’s on and are hiding from the sun more than Bella Swan in Twilight. You’re not ready for the sun let alone the beach but guess what the High Heel Runner is here to help with 7 quick hacks that can get you body confident and ready for Summer in 48 hours.
1. Get a colonic – I’m not even playing when I say if you’ve been overdoing it on the Krispy Kremes and know the Deliveroo driver by their first name you may find people are asking how many months on your food baby is. Cut the shit (literally) and get a colonic. It basically is water flushing out your colon and I don’t know the science but I can tell you it works!
2. Sack the Salt – Nobody loves Salt & Vinegar crisps more than you. I know! But huuuuunnnnie THEY ARE NOT YOUR FRIEND. If you wanna get rid of the bloat you gotta stop the salt consumption for a few days. Salt is delish but salt is Bloaty’s bestie and it’s time they got separated. Give that Salt it’s P45 and say adios!
3. HIIT the Gym – Even if you’re not a gym member you can still do HIIT which stands for High Intensity Interval Training. I’m not gonna lie, it’s absolute hell but it works like a dream. If you’re not sure you can come up with your own workout on this one do this video: 👇🏼
4. Start a Girlband with Lemon & Ginger – To get your body from Teletubbie to Love Island Lovely you need to cut back on your 1,500 calorie Frappuccino Mocha Grande Extra Cream Everything and replace it with a Lemon & Ginger tea. Yeah, I know “No Coffee, No Talkie” but do yourself a favour and be a mute while drinking that herbal until you’re transformed. You can thank me when your stomach is flatter than your best protein pancake.
5. Gonna Make Your Sweat 💦 – Anyone remember CC Music Factory? Nah, didn’t think so. Anyway, if you wanna get cut in 48 hours you need to sweat. Too lazy to do the exercise in point 3? Well, then hit the sauna and sweat it out. Too cheap to hit the sauna? Run around the block with a bin liner over your t-shirt. Just don’t be surprised when someone calls the Po-Po on you. At least you’ll be on your way to a hot body in lock down. *Plays Akon for effect*
6. Spray and Pray – If all else fails, exfoliate like MoFo and spray tan yourself. It’s safer than sunbeds and a tan will make you look a few pounds lighter. So get that Cocoa Brown on and rock it like an Amazonian Rainforest Goddess down the Finchley Road. You own this girl! You own this!
7. Pour Some Cocktails – Summer is here and the only six pack you have is in the fridge. Who cares? Summer is here so have a BBQ, pour an Aperol Spritz, throw on your favourite Spotify playlist and have a laugh with your friends. So what you don’t have a six pack? Get out there and have fun in the sun. Rock a floaty kaftan and let the good times roll. Turn off your phone. Be present. Enjoy life and remember that chick with the six pack on your Instagram Stories is at home eating asparagus trying to pull the perfect pose at a 45C angle whereas you have an actual life and are gonna rock this Summer! Get it!
Until next time,
The High Heel Runner